International travel but at what cost?

Hey everyone,

There has been a lot of talk lately about the state of passport applications in Canada so I thought that I share my unexceptional experience getting a passport this week in timeline form.

Tuesday February 13
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8:30am: Good Morning!!! due to two separate articles about passport delays over the weekend I have agreed to be waken up early to make sure that I get stuff done for sure. This is a good 2-6 hours earlier that I usually wake up so just assume that every entry after time bullet after this is directly followed by “I am so tired my teeth hurt and also…“. My wake up call comes courtesy of my ex-girlfriend Erica who some of you will remember from this blog circa 2003. Erica and I agreed to go get our passports together since we both needed one. Our agreement was sandwiched between her chastising me for not returning the movies I had rented on her blockbuster account and informing me that she was dating someone new and presumably better. I suppose that two and a half years is a reasonable time for your ex-girlfriend to wait before choosing a new boyfriend but I was still a little shocked.

8:31am: I am about to say “I am staying in bed , maybe your new boyfriend will get a passport with you” but I decide not to because a) I really need a passport and b) Erica has traditionally viewed me as a direct enemy to her personal productivity and I correctly suspect that she has only suggested that we do this together because she knows it is the only way I will possibly get my passport done.
In fact she is mostly through the first line already and is audibly excited that she will be back in her office litigating something within the hour.

8:40am: out the door after quickly brushing my teeth and selecting clothes. I don’t know which outfit say’s “give me a passport” and also “I am more attractive than your new boyfriend” but I think I come pretty close.

8:45am: stop for a quick bran muffin at the DuPonti Cafe across the street. I wish that I had time for a delicious grilled cheese sandwich but we are in the midst of a national passport application crises so every second counts.

8:50am: I arrive at the passport office. Erica is at the snack bar having already conquered the first line.
She is visibly rattled by my casual attractiveness but manages to competently camouflage this by checking to make sure I brought the needed documentation and giving slow clear instructions as too which line I am to get in.

8:51am: I am in line and things aren't looking good. The line snakes through two large empty rooms and nobody has that “on the move” posture that I like to see in a line. I fact several people seem to have the “been here for a while posture” that I specifically don’t like to see in a line.

8:58am: the line hasn't moved at all.

9:01am: jackpot!! The line instantly moves 8 feet forward and then stops just as abruptly. I am beginning to suspect that they are taking us in batches. Right now the line has the following things going for it
1. It just moved so conceivably my time in it might one day end
2. Nobody around me smells ( actually one person around me probably smells a lot like vodka and labatt 50)
3. There are no babies
4. Nobody knows each other and is so far hesitant to talk to each other
5. There is a moderately pretty girl half way up the line.

9:05am: I take off my coat and start a sudoku puzzle. This book is annoying me as I am not sure if the expert puzzles require guessing or not. I only really like doing the straightforward ones.

9:10am: the line moves again. Hmmm it seems like there was a longer wait between moves this time and also I didn't seem to go as far. I am having trouble figuring out the pattern and in turn how long I can expect to be in this line. I was hoping that the line would move x feet every y min but if there is a pattern it is a mystery to me so far.

9:15am: someone brings a small child into the line shattering the first of what will eventually be 4 out 5 listed attributes I had previously appreciated about this line. I really don’t blame the children for screaming it is just kind of what children do but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. The other attributes fall in quick succession as follows…

9:17am: the line all of a sudden starts talking to each other. I don’t know if it was the child breaking the silence but all of a sudden everyone is talking and what they are mostly talking about is this line. I have two favorites. The first is a guy who reveals that he has just waited in the wrong line for an hour and is now just starting in our horrific line. He doesn’t act that upset and if anything seems kind of amused by the mistake- I am rightfully scared of him. My other favorite is a guy in the back who casually tells us all in a knowing tone “ yep… there is always huge lines like this every year before Christmas and right before spring break. “ Nobody bothers to ask him why he didn’t take advantage of his superior knowledge of the monster line patterns to then avoid the monster line. I would have but I am hoping that the talking will dye out.

9:18am previously considered very attractive girl in line turns around to look at one of the talkers and is revealed to be only moderately attractive.

9:20 line has not moved in 10 min and counting breaking its previous record of 9min

9:29am: Some lady had grossly miscalculated how long it would take to process her passport application and is now asking people if she can bud in line. Apparently she has somewhere she needs to be unlike the rest of us who would routinely be wasting the hours of 9-11am on a weekday and are enjoying a chance to get out and do something. I briefly consider that out of the whole line I probably am being inconvenienced the least but she is gone before I can offer her my spot for $150.

9:38 the line moves and this time I find myself standing next to the only piece of furniture in the room which is a 6 foot folding table. Myself, the person behind and in front of me simultaneously sit on the table. I feel pretty lucky because the people in front of us moved right by the “table zone” and didn’t get any sitting time at all.

9:34am: I am kicking myself for not offering her my spot for $150 dollars. Not that I really wanted or gotten the money but I think it would have been funny and ingratiated me to my linemates somehow.

9:45am: the line moves and again I am standing. The guy behind me looks at me and says “I kind of miss our table”. this is a tremendous understatement.

10:00am: getting tired of reading about the line??? Try standing in it. There is now a new child at the back of the line who keeps yelling “UH-OH”.

10:20am I am now through line 1!!! Apparently line 1 was to house people waiting to get into the much shorter line 2. Line two lasts a competitively brief 20 min at the end of which someone checks to make sure we have all our stuff and have filled out the documents correctly (I of course hadn‘t). When the line 2 people are satisfied they give you a number for line 3 and a time when you should return (45min).


10:40am: decide to use my 45 min to get breakfast

You know what this is boring
for the 10% of you who read this far my apologies. perhaps I will have something interesting happen in my life next week and then write all about it but I doubt it. Happy birthday to adam tomilinson.