OK so those of you who bothered to read my thanksgiving review know that I included the expression "shit in a plastic bag" as in "for some reason Laurie told Erica the story about when I was in university and shit in a plastic bag" (thanks Lauren) anyway this has been on my blog for a total of about 3 days and already I have had 2 visitors listed in my referral page who came to this sight after typing "SHIT IN A PLASTIC BAG" into thier search bar....

HEY FREAKS THERE ARE NO PICTURES OF SHIT OR PLASTIC BAGS ON THIS SITE.... go masturbate on plasticbagshitworld.com like everyone else.

I of course am just kidding and I do not consider people who have odd or in this case profoundly disgusting fetishes to be freaks, in fact I think we all have our own set of particularities* and that in fact is what makes us normal**.


*is saying that we all have our own set of particularities redundant?

** except for people whos sex life somehow involves shit in a plastic bag. you are definitely not normal.


If you don't want to hear the "shit in a plastic bag" story then definitely DON'T KEEP READING...


OK so every monday night we used to go to this place that had all-you-can-eat chicken wings and monday night football. I forget exactly who was with us but I know for sure that Fry and Swartz and I were there (I am pretty sure that Ray was there too).
Anyway we were doing our usual "who can eat the most chicken wings" thing which really is a disgusting way to spend a monday evening.
-for the record Swartz can eat the most chicken wings. I think he ate 70 one time while I really have a problem breaking 40. -
Suffice to say we were pretty full of chicken wings by the time we were walking home along Wyandotte avenue.

I don't know why anyone would take pride in this kind of thing but everybody was convinced that their crap was going to be the biggest.

I guess that being super full of chicken wings makes you think that you are going to take a huge crap.
Also this is probably an extension of bragging about how many chicken-wings you just ate which is also a dubious thing to take pride in (as opposed to water consumption)

If we can at this point jump back a little to put things in perspective... Fry, Swartz, possibly ray and the other 1-3 guys who were with us (I now believe that Paul Vaguiro was definitely with us) were all members of the infamous Mack hall 7th floor which we somehow believed to be the partiest of all university party floors.
I mean didn't the guy who wrote animal house live on our floor at one point? hadnt david letterman listed Mack hall as one of the top ten places to party? Didn't our building have the highest pregnancy rate in north america in the 70s? wasn't our beer store the busiest in all of Canada?

OK so none of the above is true and none of it definitely has anything to do with shitting in plastic bags but I did want to talk about the level of bullshit that is pumped into residence attenders during orientation week.
Mac hall was a fun place to party but at least we realized that none of that shit was true by the second week of school. I still run into jerk-offs from western who graduated 4 years ago are talking about david letterman listing their residence in his top ten list - it is unbelievable....

David Letterman: And the number 3 place to get laid in North America is .... Saugeen Maitlin. Yes that is a university residence in sleepy london ontario that you have never heard of and also an uncharacteristically un-funny inclusion into our top ten list.

Paul Schaefer: What about Mardi-Grass?


I am getting off topic what I was trying to say was that we were all on the same floor and we had been locked in a prank battle with the girls from out sister floor for quite a while and frankly they were kicking our asses.
With this in mind as we were walking home (and everyone else was still arguing about who was going to produce the biggest crap later) it dawned on me that we were in fact sitting on a monster amount of potential crap. In fact this could be the natural resource that we really needed to put ourselves over the top in the prank wars!

Here was the plan:

1. Everybody shit in plastic bags (you might have guessed this part of the plan)
2. Meet with the shit in our sister floors main lounge area.
3. Unscrew the metal facing to the wall vent. Deposit the shit in the wall vent. Replace the wall vent.
4. Leave


The plan actually went on pretty well as planned except that it is a lot harder to shit in a plastic bag than you think and not hard in a way like it is hard to open a delicious hulk-pop without spilling any either but hard in way that is it you screw up there are some disgusting consequences.

The real genius of this plan was the vent part. Not only could you not see the shit but who would think of unscrewing a vent to look for it. Also the location in the central floor vent connected the odor to both of the floor washrooms which were a more natural place to expect such an odor to come from. In short they would never have found this stuff.

Contrary to our expectations it really didn't smell at all the first day and really didn't start reeking until DAY 3. When it did start reeking though it was really bad and "all-encompassing" on their floor and thier were some really unhappy girls flying around.

In conclusion this was a wildly successful although well over the line prank which would have been really bad had not Fry rolled over on us because he liked a girl on the floor. (the best part is that Fry gave us up without admitting that he had any part of it- he would later sell me out again in the exact same way with the infamous "baby-monitor" incident.)

Thanks for reading my admittingly disgusting story