Adams Cottage

I will now run down a list of friday cottage attenders.

FRY's CAR

Aaron Fry- Loves going to the cottage but I suspect his enjoyment is specifically tied to playing either risk or a drinking game LUKE made up (don't believe lunchbox's claims) in collingwood called "ball-hunter" I may or may not post the rules for "ballhunter" later depending on interest. ("ball hunter" is not a gay party game)

Amy Garrard- Amy was compaining about having to do report cards which always brings out my deepest sympathy especially since you only get two summer months off afterwards to recover. Amy can drink a suprising amount of rum and coke.

Andrew Swartz- Andy was in good spirits all weekend including our car-ride up which consisted entirely of Luke making Swartz tell embarressing girl stories from his university years. Andy had the nerve to make fun of me for having no chest hair when his own huge torso-bush is clearly disgusting to girls.

Erica- is her name but prefers to be referred to as "Luke's Girlfriend". Was super empressed when I attempted to funnel two centurian horns of beer at once.

Luke Pettigrew- you know how I do...



Cecilia's Car...

Mark Irwin- winner of the MORON award for failing to predict that spending all day in the sun without a shirt might give him a sunburn. CLOSE runners up in this catagory include Swartz, Fry and Luke. Adam is still tanned from Oz and my sister has a solid foundation protecting him due to using self-tanning products. The girls might as well have been wearing t-shirts they had so much SPF on

Ben Pettigrew- Ben had an ok weekend. Once again he refused to burn his t-shirt even thought it was x-ponentially lamer than any other t-shirt there.

Cecilia Deguzmon- Ok so cecilia was the only single girl there so it kind of looked like she had a big target on her back except my lame ass single friends couldn't hit that targer with a laser guided precision scud missile (or dud missils as it happens to be).

Adam Tomilinson- Finally has a girlfriend to stay with in his creepy back "mini-cottage" after what I can only assume have been years of world record level self abuse back there.

Others...

Cam Neil: Cop-Dad thought we were a little wreckless with the fire sometimes.

Darcy Fairfield-Neil: At one point here and cam were lightly arguing but were no longer using punctuating thier points with "Babe" to the outside observer this might seem harmless but to me this is terrorfying (as oppose to my spelling which is more horrorfying) because I think those "babes" are what keeps the fighting at a more level 1 rating as opposed to the level 18 blowouts we used to have a few years ago.

Ross Matheson: Suspicously ditched us to go to Cams cottage on saturday. I suspect some girls might have been in for some rugby talk in the fenelon falls area on saturday and sunday.

Krista Shaft- Krista unfortunatly couldn't come untill Saturday so that was a little disapointing.

Brendan MacQueen: ok so burning our clothes whenever we have a fire might be the worst trend out friend group has had since we were constantly "gearing down" at parties. Brendan is the spearheader of both or these trends. this year we managed to burn the following items :

1. Marks crappy paint t-shirt- mars remembered the clothes burning from last year and wore a crappy t-shirt on purpose. he is a genious
2. Adam was brave enough to burn both my favorite Lacoste shirt which he had stolen to take to Oz AND my vintage Grizzly Beer hat (complete with intact beer store sticker!). Adam was also wearing the ugliest running jacket in history but refused to burn that.
3. Brendans "booty island" t-shirt. as much as I dislike the trend of fake vintage t-shirts being sold at american eagle or urban outfitters for $60 this is exactly 50% of brendans nice shirts and also his girlfriend tasha bought it for him. Brendan was also wearing a knit skull cap which looked more "chemo-ey" than most summer wear but refused to burn that.
4. Brendans Boxer shorts- no loss here.





Ok so the cottage was drunktastic both nights although I limited my beer intake to under 12 beers per so that I might introduce Erica to drunk-luke slowly. my friends were doing thier part to impress erica on my belhalf by having an argument as to which animal would make the best pet if you could shrink it down to any size. we will call this the FIRST time that erica will have to hear this argument. for the record the animal finalist seem to be mini-giraff, mini-polar bear, mini-elephant, mini-rhino, and mini-gorilla (which they have dumb-asses they are called monkeys). Brendan also sang a lot of "never surrender" by corey hart for us so that was good times as well.

On Saturday I went to a couple local garage sales and then we did some swimming. I think that the girls liked my speedo but some of the guys seemed uncomfortable around me. in the water we were playing an agressive 21 style frisbee catching game that I was kicking ass at even though everyone else had at least 20 pounds on me. also adam and swartz told me that there were no rules and then intantly insisted that I was cheating when I joined the game.

I love walking around cottage country without a shirt on because I feel like I fit in more. I also love how some of the fat middle age cottage dudes will crack thier first beer at 9am.

also on saturday Fry insisted that we play one of those murder mystery games that our parents love that was lying around the cottage. our parents are super lame.


Other cottage thoughts...


1. If you bbq to many hamburgers, and then are pondering wether or not you should have a cheeseburger for breakfast the next day, dont waist another second and eat those delicous breakfast burgers.

2. Swartz likes mcdonalds chicken mcnuggets. that is fucking disgusting.

3. If you are going to lose in "ball hunter" dont get burned by the duece.

4. Ross was sitting on a huge fireside sectioned tree stump which he threw in the fire and then seconds later was complaining that he didn't have a seat.

5. girls love potatoe salad even more that I do. I think there low carb diets make them crazy when ever actual delicous potatoe salad carbs are around.

6. COKE is actually a mining word so Erica and Swartz probably should have won in Scrabble although I dont think they were placing it as a mining word but more as a brand name ("I am a little concerned with Erica's daily diet-COKE intake") or as slang ("Cam's stag party will feature tons of COKE") ("and also tons of HOOKERS") Anyway that is the way the ball bounces and as it is Adam and I won (predictably) after killing on a seven letter bonus at the start and then seriously squandering our lead all game.

7. If you are playing a murder mystery game and you want to adopt a weird accent for your chatacter then remember that you have to maintain that dumb accent for the whole game.

8. If you attend a murder mystery party than dont waste one second acually trying to figure out the "mystery" because it is completly arbitrairy and instead get as drunk as possible (hopefully your character will feature a mask) while periodically saying things like " HMMMMM BUT DIDN'T DOCTOR THSLITESMYER HAVE A FAILED BUSINESS VENTURE WITH COMMODOR EVYESLAGGEN WHO ALSO KILLED HIS SISTER?" (commodor evyeslaggen could have simutainiously tanked doctor thslitesmyer's business while killing his sister and having a three-way with his two daughters and that wouldn't mean that Dr. Thlitesmyer was the killer)



Ok so that is the cottage i might add more observations later.