good morning gay as hell blog fans,

pride week in toronto is upon us and just like everyone is irish for st patricks day, everybody is clearly gay during pride week.


2003 TOP GAY FRIENDS....


ALL THE WAY GAY TORONTO 3 DOLLAR BILL GROUP.

1. Randy "nerf-gay" Martin- drunk randy has trouble "performing" sometimes with GIRLS. hmmm
2. Ben "the gay lunch-box" Pettigrew- uses both self tanning product and apricot facial exfoiliator. this is gay in so many ways plus his crappy blog is framed with a giant gay robot.
3. Dean Embry- Slender with spikey hair and tight jeans. Can you say GAY.
4. KATHERINE CORNETT- finished the century club, only female participant in Quadrathlon, has tongue ring.
5. Sandon- wears pink polo shirt while not in europe
6. Maiga and Dana- you two are fooling no one by pretending to like boys a little TOO much and then leaving the bar together.
7. Erica (pronounced to rhyme with GAY-ves)- and I quote "I like it when Faye sleeps over but it gets a little hot sometimes"
8. Will Robinson- also suspisously tanned plus is from Dundas. Sensitive about body image.
9. Julian Jubinville- used to have a bushy beard wich means he was a "bear"
10. Joel Swartz- only a matter of time before Joel and Will are an AIW "Item"

VERY GAY GRIMSBY GROUP

1. Ross Matheson- I am SO tired of ross getting drunk and trying to make out with me and then claiming he forgets everything the next day. Also rugby is gay in a "very thinly vieled" kind of way.
2. Mark Irwin and Ian Matheson- I have nightmares that these two are gay- "hey little man come over here for a second"
3. Brendan MacQueen- trust me brendan is super gay somehow
4. Cam Niel- my only friend (other than fry recently) who is also a HOMOwner. Also used to have beard.
5. Adam Tomilinson- possibly spent a little two long "down under". girlfriends nickname is "SHAFTY"
6. Lyndsay B________- used to have tongue ring. found current partner in greece (the gayest of all countries).


Gay Windsor Enginqueers.

1. Aaron Fry- only person I know who can go to a sunday bar and come back to the table with somthing that is unmistakably gay.
2. Chad Pacilli- waxes/shaves an inordinate amount of body hair. if chad isn't gay than no-one is.
3. Andrew Swartz- Skillfully avoids scoring with girls. you have to see it he is like a anti-scoring ninja. (see Brett Heuther)
4. Matt Tagney and Jeff Hewitt- you would have to see them argue to understand but they contribute to each others gayness exponentially.
5. Ryan Knox and Matt Sloan- I would bet dollars to gay donuts that these two have hooked up and dont remember it.
6. Brett Heuther- cannot throw a baseball. had special shoes designed specifically for working out in windsor . currently has the same hair as reese witherspoon. used to crash in swartz's bed with no shirt on. gay

Other Gay People:

1. Tonya Fox and Darcy Fairfield- when Cam comes out of the closet these two will finally hook up.



Ok so I know what you are all thinking "THIS COLUMN IS AGRESSIVLY OFFENSIVE TO ACTUAL GAY PEOPLE" and you are probably right.
I think the point I am trying to make is that we are all gay in our own ways and that if everyone is gay than really no one is gay* and we should stop spending so much time labelling people**.

* except for Dean who is still gay even if no one else is.
** Huether and Swartz you are also still very very gay.

Thanks and please direct your outraged e-mails to ben.pettigrew@utoronto.ca